keeping my head on straight

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i think there's a really fine line between being honest on a blog and just outright complaining. this is meant to be honesty, and also a tiny bit of complaining. ;)

work has been really (bolded for emphasis, haha) hard for the past couple of weeks. something that my dad has always told me is that i'm never going to love any job 100%. work will always be work, and it will always have negatives. previously, these negatives have included bad bosses or lots of boredom, and i've moved on. this time, at a job that was supposed to be perfect, one month in, i was left completely alone with a lot of responsibility that i didn't ask for. i'm literally the only "boss" that my store has. which means a lot of things, like my schedule changes at the drop of a hat, because i sort of just have to deal with it when someone else can't work, since they aren't required to, and i am. in fact, i didn't know whether i was going to be able to go to chicago until last thursday. which is crazy, since we've been planning this trip since march, and i'm pretty sure bekuh was totally over the confusion, too. to be fair, i owe the people who have stepped up to help me out more than i'll ever be able to repay them (one person in particular. and i think i will be buying him pizza. and he still may quit over the stress).

even though i'm still preeeettty miserable when it comes to doing the stuff i didn't agree to do, it seems like each day this stuff gets a little less difficult, for a few different reasons. first, i'm learning how to do things like paperwork, numbers, disciplining without being ridiculous since i'm still not the actual boss, etc. what i wasn't taught (which was almost everything), i've figured out, and honestly, the world shouldn't fall apart if i do the math wrong one day. second, i'm learning that i really am good at this job. i'm kind of proud at my handling of some pretty ridiculous situations, and even when i make mistakes, i have to pat myself on the back for just showing up every day. third, i'm just not letting it take over my life anymore. i was plagued with serious anxiety the first couple of weeks of this. but no more!

i take each shift at a time. i take my days off, for real, even if it means the next day is a little bit harder. things like conference calls (which i literally have nightmares over) come and go within an HOUR. one hour. come on, katie.

and can i be honest? even if it's just STUFF, sometimes i treat myself to a little something.. and it helps. ridiculous, i know. but it helps!

recently, i picked up one of the kidrobot yummy dessert keychain blind boxes. halfway because i'm semi-obsessed with heidi kinney these days, and also just because i needed a pick-me-up. i tore open the box (austin can attest to this), and i got the little chocolate covered strawberry. :) and then i became an addict. i told two of my favorite employees about them, and they promptly got their own. then, earlier this week, one of them picked up another two for us to open and share. WE'RE OBSESSED. haha. i currently own the chocolate covered strawberry and the ice cream sandwich. i'll stop when i get my hands on the key lime pie. ;)

austin can also attest to the fact that i ripped this guy open after i found it at our local kroger. i get the ben and jerry's emails (yep.) and they had announced that they were doing a limited rerelease of the key lime pie flavor a while ago, but i figured i wouldn't get to find one. but then i did! and it was awesome.

the moral of the story is: sometimes spending $5 on really goofy things for yourself is healthy and good, even if it'll make you look like a ten year old with a keychain problem/gain ten pounds. whatever!

but really, on top of all of this, i'm trying really hard to not get my hopes up because something that i have basically wanted since i was 18 may be happening for me.. and if it does, and i ever complain again, i give everyone the right to give me the dirtiest looks ever. keeping my fingers crossed!

<3