rambling thoughts on 2012 (also iphone cases)

i can't believe 2013 is tomorrow. this past year has been ridiculous and insane, and i can honestly say that i think my life only gets better and better as the years pass, so i can't wait for the next one.

how was your christmas? basically, i was spoiled - austin and i got new pots and pans, a crock pot, and his mom made me a huge, pretty, yellow quilt. is it just me or do quilts immediately make you think of the future? all i could think about when i opened it was that we were going to have it forever, and how exciting that is..

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i had these grandiose plans of sharing some of my favorite texted-to-becca outfits of the year that i never shared on the blog, because most of them were on days that meant a lot to me, but.. my phone is no longer sending out anything. kind of. sometimes it does, but mostly it doesn't, and pictures are in the ~never sent~ category. bummer.

anyway, one thing that this means is - new year, new phone! so, i spent most of last night eyeing new iphone cases, even though austin is trying to convince me that i need an otter box.. ew. these are my top favorites, share some of yours with me?! i only looked on etsy, because mindless clicking sounded nice yesterday, but i'm sure i'll end up getting obsessed with having a new case every day, so. i think i'm sucking it up and buying a new phone tomorrow..

lady gaga drama

beetlejuice (aka, this is probably the one i'm going with..)

color block

deathly hallows

i don't even really know how this turned into that, but i think i'm going to head into work early anyway.  i need to spend more time with my computer in 2013, i think.. i miss blogging (outfits more than anything) and reading blogs.

happy new year !! xo

reasons i cannot wait for christmas

so i guess it's pretty obvious that this weekend had me giving up on radvent. i liked doing it a lot, but working 3pm-3am kind of messes with a blogging schedule. ;) i'm hoping to get back to it, at least during the weekdays, but we'll see.

i've been really in the christmas spirit lately, which is kind of out of the norm for me. christmas has never been one of my favorite holidays, but i literally can't wait for it this year. i think a lot of it has to do with how excited i am to shower everyone with gifts and love. :)

austin's been really awesome about going along with my really silly whims this year. last week, we went to see the decorated trees at hotel roanoke (i'm going again this week with kendall, avery, and grandma, hopefully). on friday night, we went to the downtown christmas parade. it was overall really silly, but pretty cute, and i'm glad we did it.

this weekend, however, drove home the real reason that i can't wait for christmas: for it to be over. working at the mall has some serious benefits and some off seasons, during which i'm sure to complain of boredom. but, right now.. i just want to kick everyone out. my manager has walking pneumonia, my coworker just came down with what seems like her 5th cold of the season, and i'm crossing my fingers that what i'm battling right now isn't the flu. our bodies are revolting against not only the hours that we're working, but also the stress that comes with people's attitudes during this time of year. for some reason this year seems worse than last year? but i might be wrong. all i know is that i'm glad i finished my shopping, and that people need to grow up. please, if you're out shopping (or out doing anything), remember that people are people - no matter what they're being paid to do for you, they deserve to be treated with respect. i've seen customers yell at 17 year old girls for following store procedures, i've been cussed at for not having any boxes, we've had customers roll their eyes when we tell them that, no, jeans are not part of our 40% off sale BUT EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE STORE IS. i think it all came to a head last night, when, (tmi alert:) i was running back to the bathroom to puke every ten minutes and a customer i rang up said: "you look awful. i bet you're getting sick. i've had a headache all day, so i can totally understand. i have to keep shopping, you have to keep working!! keep it together!" uhhhhhhhhhhh. yeah. it just gets old, being treated like trash day in and day out. i know it isn't going to go away completely after this shopping season, but i also know that it isn't going to be anywhere near as concentrated. kind of unrelated, but, can i also vent about employees not showing up or asking to have their shifts changed 30 minutes before their shifts start? ldjoifjifjf;kr. i'm sorry. i'll stop.

but hey! becca will be home tonight and i get her for like, a month. and she's going to work with me! and i randomly have remicade on austin's birthday so i get the day off to spend with him (post my post-remi nap, obviously). there's cool stuff happening.. i just have to remember that the next time i'm gritting my teeth through a smile at a dramatic person. now, i'm going to go back to sleep. maybe i'll be back later with a radvent. :) <3

radvent, days 12 & 13

well, i dropped the ball. i just wasn't feeling inspired. and then one line from meg's post stood out to me and all of a sudden, i was. idk. but i said from the beginning that it's whatever, i'm not going to lose sleep over making these posts.

radvent, day 12: acceptance

for me, this subject is about accepting that people are going to be themselves, no matter how much i wish i could change them or help them fix their flaws. without sounding like a know-it-all, i guess. at my last job, there was this weird clique of people who were not going to let me in, regardless of how well i treated them. one in particular kind of seemed to make it her goal to make me miserable, either by lying to me, lying about me, or just plain being mean to me. i constantly wanted to point out to each one of them just how back-stabby (to one another, even!) and cliquey they were in every way, but i didn't.. because i'm pretty sure they knew, and it's just how they chose to be. in my life, i'd work forever to get rid of that aspect of my life, but i think they enjoyed it. this is an extreme example, but it's kind of the best and quickest way to get to my point - people are different because they choose to be, and you know what? that's awesome. i shouldn't feel the need to "educate" or change every person i meet. i'm not saying that i don't feel like it's important to share opinions where you may see fit, but i am going to work on my overall acceptance of others. like the one time that my dad and i legitimately screamed over how stupid i thought twilight was. i 100% felt as though i was in the right, but he (and several of our loved ones who may or may not have been in the room...) enjoyed them! so honestly, who was i to get on my high horse? shoulda just ~accepted~ them.

day 13: making

i think i've slacked on my creative side over the past couple of months. in my defense, i started a new job and then all of a sudden i was working holiday in one of the busiest stores in the mall. i'm hoping to find some time this weekend to make a couple of ornaments and maybe even pull out my sewing machine (gasp).

short and sweet and to the point. <3

radvent, day 11

radvent, day 11: rejection

i really like this topic, but am kind of nervous about where to go with it, because rejection is this really universal thing that no one ever talks about. who hasn't felt rejected? who hasn't made someone feel rejected? i'm pretty confident that both of those things have happened in my life.. probably even in the last month or so, unfortunately.

i often feel rejected by friends, coworkers, family, and even customers. i usually assume that they aren't meaning to, because i know how hurtful i can be without realizing it. this month has been pretty rough for me, because work is soo stressful, customers are soo intense, and everything comes out a little more rough than maybe intended. it doesn't help that i'm the #1 biggest baby in the world and take ev-er-y-thing personally. i have this really stupid thing where, if someone hurts my feelings, i latch on to that situation and remember the situation basically forever. honestly, i've gotten better about this (and probably chosen my friends a little more carefully) in my old age, but it still happens from time to time.

there are times when i'll say something, or "covertly" roll my eyes about something, not even considering for a second how that would make someone feel if they saw it. which sucks, and i'm not proud of it. i'm trying really hard to be a nice girl these days, because i just don't think snark is cute on me. this isn't to say that i don't participate in gossip or whatever, because i mean.. i know gossip is a part of life and it's a girly, silly thing. however, if it becomes hurtful, i'll try and cut it out. i try to remember how i feel in rejection situations and treat everyone the way that i would prefer to be treated.

i find myself laughing at a lot of jokes that i don't think are funny, because i like the person that said them, and because i would hope someone would do that for me. sometimes i feel like ~the weird girl~ because i'm kind of nerdy, i don't drink, i'm extra shy all of the time, and small talk isn't really my jam, so feeling rejected is probably a thing that i reflect onto myself. i have a feeling that it has way less to do with others, and more to do with me.

meg made a really awesome point about trying to not care about not being liked. i think that's an integral part to growing up, and i'm starting to really, reallly try to work on that aspect of my own personality. i like who i am (most of the time), so if someone else doesn't, why stress over it? you know. meg says it better than i do, and has a twitter example that i totally relate to only not via twitter, you know?

i think this is the most that i've written on a subject thus far, which is nice. i have been meaning to make these a little more serious and intense. i could probably continue on about rejection, but instead i'm going to go to the grocery store. ;)

radvent, day 10

radvent, day 10: family

i have kind of already discussed the importance of my family during day 1. i think, in part, falling in love with austin and us creating our own little family (of the two of us, haha) has shown me how much i love my family, too. especially my sister. the two of us have grown so much in the last couple of years, and our relationship has shown the growth. she's one of my best friends, and i would've never thought that was going to happen five years ago. our friendship has been one of the most important to me for the last year or so. i'm so excited that we've regrown our bond.

radvent, day 9

radvent, day 9: advice

i'm more for taking advice than giving it, to be honest. i hardly ever feel like i'm in a position to give advice, unless it's to lindsey about ~boyz, in which case i'm perfectly qualified. ;)

there are very few decisions that i make without asking for advice. not because i'm indecisive or have a hard time living life or anything, just because i really like opinions and i think other people are the best learning tools. if that makes sense. it kind of sounds rude. but whatever - most of the time, people can give you insight that you otherwise wouldn't have thought of. i love it. i love talking to anyone and everyone about things, especially if i'm having a rough time with a big decision. in fact, when i was trying to decide whether to take my current job, i think i discussed it with just about everyone that i came into contact with.

basically, my advice is to take advice. all the time.

radvent, day 8

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radvent, day 8: saving

for the first time in my whole short adult life, i am living pretty comfortably. i know that since i've said this on the internet, i'm going to all of a sudden get a dramatic bill that i wasn't expecting (isn't that a weird adult thing that strangely actually happens even though it seems impossible when parents say it???), but whatever. i'm comfortable. i can usually get what i need and what i want these days.

the problem with feeling comfortable is the fact that i'm overly comfortable and i pretty much get myself whatever i want. which is so stupid and i need to stop all that. i've been calculating a pretty rigorous savings plan for myself, one that i'm going to start in january (new year's resolution lol).

meg's point about how reading blogs makes you think you need to buy, buy, buy is a valid one. seeing pictures of beautiful homes, cute outfits, and picture-perfect lives can kind of make you feel like you need all of that, at once. but it isn't necessary and i'm hoping to get better about realizing that.

working in retail makes it hard to remember when to just. stop. buying, too. i obviously want to wear the clothes so that i can sell the clothes, and i know that i'm getting a good deal on quality clothes with my discount so it's like not aaaaas big of a deal but these are exactly the kinds of excuses i should probably stop making for myself. if i refresh my wardrobe with a couple of items a season, my basics will carry me through. ..instead of buying errythang all the time. you know.

i've gotten better the past couple of months, because i stopped buying things for myself and just focused on all of my favorite people instead. ;) so, the real test will be january - when i'm feeling extra wealthy with nowhere to put the money (except for in my savings account).

over the last week, this radvent subject has been the one most relevant to where i'm at right now. i've been thinking about it a lot lately, and i think it's time to get serious about saving. ;)

radvent, day 7

radvent, day 7: relaxation

is it bad too say that i sometimes relax too much? i mean, look, my job is sometimes pretty strenuous on my body, my sleep schedule is consistently messed up, and i always get what i need to get done, done. but. sometimes i think i deserve to just lay around, watch some goofy tv (right now i'm pretty hooked on pretty little liars), and catch up on blogs or even play sudoku.

i don't feel guilty when i relax, and i think it is because i work hard, ~play hard~, and i deserve to chill out sometimes.

that's all i have to say on relaxation in my life. idk.

radvent, day 6

radvent, day 6: humbling

humility seems like something that everyone struggles with. i know that i do, and i see it in some of my absolute favorite people, too. working in a service job is one of the greatest ways to learn about humility, in my opinion. the ways that some people feel comfortable treating service workers is ridiculous. i've seen my coworkers treated so badly that i couldn't even make up the stories. because of this, i try to be a courteous customer, no matter where i am. i try to tip as well as i can, within my means, i clean up messes that i create in stores, and i make sure that the people i interact with know that i appreciate them as people. the smallest thing can go the furthest, especially for a service employee working this time of year.

i really liked meg's suggestions for today, although i can't participate since i will be at my ~service job, where i'm meant to talk a lot. today's topic resonates, though, because i've been thinking a lot about my humbleness with friends, family, and strangers. i really like meg's suggestion to "stay out of the way!" i always want to be in on the fun, but maybe taking a step back and being an observer would be an important lesson for me. that's what i'm going to work on (when i'm not at work..). :)

radvent, day 5

radvent, day 5: decorate

i don't spend a lot of time thinking about decorating our house. sometimes i think about ways to change things around, but i usually put it off since we'll be moving soonish. there are some really sweet parts of our house that i love due to the decor, or the placement of things, but mostly i love our house because we live in it. the decorations are just evidence of our existence, i guess.

arguably the girliest part of my dresser. ;) everyone uses their perfume bottles as decoration, and understandably so.. they're so, so pretty.

the pile of presents keeps growing and we keep adding ornaments to the tree (see the little cinnamon ones? those are from bekuh. and there's a new little starbucks cup from austin's bandmate). i really really love sitting in front of this guy every day, and i know i'm going to be sad when it has to get put away. :( i may be becoming a christmas decorations person after all.

austin's record room isn't really decorated per se, but i love everything in it. our stacks of books, randomly placed chairs, and his little knick knacks about the bookcase are this perfect combination of all of the things we love to use.

this pillow serves as extra seating when there are too many people in the record room. and he's a perfect example of our year round halloween decorations. ;)

i'm sure the older that i get and the nicer our places are, the more decorating will matter. we've definitely started collecting nice decorating things, but i never want to force it. i'm so happy living where i am, so excited that we are creating this little home for ourselves, and so proud of the things we've collected thus far.

<3

radvent, day 4

let them eat cake

radvent, day 4: sincerely

today i got a thank you card from my meemaw. her birthday is tomorrow, and my mom held a surprise party for her over the weekend. she was thanking austin and i for attending and for our gift. i really like getting cards, and i really like that she sends thank you cards for things like that, although, if i'm honest, i'd probably prefer to just talk to her on the phone. i also know that she and one of my cousins-in-law are penpals, and i love that.

i've taken the initiative to randomly send a card one time in my life, and i just didn't feel all that fulfilled. i'd so. much. rather. pick up the phone and call them when i'm thinking about them. i'm trying to resolve this in my mind, to figure out a time that obviously sending a short note would be perfect and unexpected and awesome.

but i think i'm actually just lazy.

becca sends me the most perfect postcards and tiny pieces of mail all of the time and i love them. i started collecting random cards and postcards.. and they're just sitting on my shelves.

this all goes back to my wanting to send out christmas cards and then just not doing it.

to me, letter writing and card sending all come back down to showing people that you're appreciating them and giving them a little bit of attention. while sending a random text to say hi or picking up a tshirt when it reminds me of someone isn't necessarily the most creative or original thing to do, i'm glad that i'm the kind of person who at least does that.

maybe card writing will come when i get it together even more. i hope so.

radvent, day 3

radvent, day 3: compilation

when i was in college, i would spend hours with my friends searching the internet for new bands to listen to. there were times that our download speed would far surpass our listening abilities, and we'd be backed up with new music for weeks. in high school, all of the guys i hung out with would basically curate my music taste for me - with their own music or with mix cds. nowadays, i joke that my taste in music is "jack white and taylor swift." but, it isn't much of a joke - i listen to jack white and taylor swift pretty much all of the time. i don't even put my ipod on shuffle anymore. this weird stage in my grown up life reminds me of my mom, who listened solely to rod stewart when i was younger.

austin and i listen to records at home and go to shows, so i guess i'm exaggerating a little bit. additionally, i've worked at the mall for most of my adult life, and there are soundtracks there. but that's where the problem stems from, i think.. i got really, really good at blocking out music. i rarely agree with any of my store's choices in soundtracks, and so i've gotten to the point where they legitimately fade away and i don't notice them unless someone brings them to my attention.

it's strange how much of a backseat music has taken in my life. i don't know if it's just becoming older or what.. because i still love music and listen to it, i just don't spend the time on music that i used to. the "new music" that i "discover" these days are when austin goes to shows out of town, we go to shows locally, or other friends recommend music to me. which is cool, because they're normally local bands and it's nice to support that. i still keep mix cds from high school, college, and early on in austin and my relationship in my car, and listening to those always make me feel this weird comfort. at the time that i was listening to some of those, i was probably so mixed up and confused, but now they're these really nostalgic, happy pieces of history.

i didn't feel comfortable making a playlist, because, well.. it'd all be taylor swift & jack white. but i'm going to post a couple of songs here that have ~meant something~ to me in the past year. i've already warned you about how limited my taste is right about now, so keep that in mind. ;)


<3
ps, i can also confidently recommend dads, everything on sewn together records (they even have a christmas album!), eternal summers, the bastards of fate, and everything on flannel gurl records if you were interested in the local music i was referring to.

radvent, day 2

day 2: self-worth

i think my struggles with self-worth are pretty ordinary. sometimes i don't think very highly of myself, other times i think too highly of myself, and most of the time i just try not to think about myself at all. i consider myself incredibly lucky in that no one in my family has ever tried to make me feel worse about myself - there have never been food or weight issues and no one pressures me to dress or look a certain way (although they don't understand the way i dress half of the time). so, in terms of my appearance, i've always been fairly confident. the time that i put into my appearance is for me, and i've always felt that way. i think there is a misconception that women are constantly dressing for men, and i've never, ever looked at it like that. "the media" has never affected the way that i carry myself.

my self-worth also gives me a point from where i treat others. i'm generally in the assumption that every person is awesome until they prove otherwise. i'm really shy, so it may not seem like i really feel this way - but i do like everyone from the get-go. when i was in college, i tried this thing where i marked on my hand if i had a rude thought about someone. after about a week of doing that, i tried to think nice things and then tell people what i was thinking. i know that one off-handed compliment, even from a stranger, makes my day, so i was trying to make everyone else's days, too. the way that i felt about myself during the week that i was keeping track of how rude i am versus the way that i felt about myself during the week that i was actively complimenting everyone was insane. i was a totally different person. i think about those weeks often, and try to emulate the latter, rather than the former. this makes me feel better about myself, therefore strengthening my self-worth.

more than anything, in terms of self-worth, i struggle with my personality and my opinions. when i feel strongly about something, i feel STRONGLY about something, and i take it incredibly personally when someone disagrees and i can't change their minds. i also get incredibly frustrated when my opinion is refused to be heard. this goes back to day 1, where i need to get better about understanding when my opinion doesn't have to be heard. ;)

<3

radvent, day 1

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hi! happy december!

every december, one of my absolute favorite bloggers, meg of princess lasertron, does a series called radvent. i've never participated, because, well, i've never had a blog in december.. until now. i really look up to meg - she's smart, hilarious, and a businesswoman whom i'd love to emulate. if you've never read through her blog, or looked at her shop or her other shop, i recommend it all.

i miss writing a lot. i've fallen out of it, and lost the ability to do it as well as i used to. i'm rarely happy with the way that i choose to word things these days, and hope that a month-long writing exercise will help this. i'm going to try and keep up, doing this every day.. but with holiday retail.. we'll see how it goes. i'm not going to force myself to lose sleep over it. ;)

day one: knowledge

* i know that family is the most important part of life. i go through phases of being really unhappy with aspects of my family, but at the end of the day - my love for them and their love for me doesn't change.
* i know that happiness is chosen. my pop and i used to have long, long conversations about choosing to make the best of things, choosing to be in a good mood, and choosing to be friendly. it isn't always easy.. actually, it isn't easy. but the older i get, the more important i see these lessons as being. i choose to be happy, even when i'm stressed out. i choose to be in a good mood, even if my head is swimming in depression. it helps. sometimes i wallow in sadness by watching parenthood at key parts of my week and letting myself cry it out, but mostly, i choose to wake up every day in a good mood.
* i know that appearance is almost always the most important aspect of a first impression, so my interest in clothes/fashion and (newly) makeup isn't silly, even when people try to make me feel like i'm being silly. these things are important - and have a huge impact on how i feel all day long.
* (this one is slightly stolen and reinterpreted from meg's post) i know that opinions are important and necessary, but not always necessary to share. i can feel strongly about something, and not constantly need to run my mouth to every single person about it, without making that opinion any less validated. especially after this most recent election, i saw myself virtually growing up by way of biting my tongue.
* i know that true love has serious ups and downs, but is overall a feeling of happy contentness. it is not a rollercoaster ride of emotions, which is how i've described love in the past, but a warmness that doesn't go away, even if you're disagreeing. ;)
* i know that bunnies are the cutest things to ever exist. except for avery grace.

let me know if you're participating in radvent, too! i'm always interested to see other responses. <3