Tuesday, December 11, 2012

radvent, day 11

radvent, day 11: rejection

i really like this topic, but am kind of nervous about where to go with it, because rejection is this really universal thing that no one ever talks about. who hasn't felt rejected? who hasn't made someone feel rejected? i'm pretty confident that both of those things have happened in my life.. probably even in the last month or so, unfortunately.

i often feel rejected by friends, coworkers, family, and even customers. i usually assume that they aren't meaning to, because i know how hurtful i can be without realizing it. this month has been pretty rough for me, because work is soo stressful, customers are soo intense, and everything comes out a little more rough than maybe intended. it doesn't help that i'm the #1 biggest baby in the world and take ev-er-y-thing personally. i have this really stupid thing where, if someone hurts my feelings, i latch on to that situation and remember the situation basically forever. honestly, i've gotten better about this (and probably chosen my friends a little more carefully) in my old age, but it still happens from time to time.

there are times when i'll say something, or "covertly" roll my eyes about something, not even considering for a second how that would make someone feel if they saw it. which sucks, and i'm not proud of it. i'm trying really hard to be a nice girl these days, because i just don't think snark is cute on me. this isn't to say that i don't participate in gossip or whatever, because i mean.. i know gossip is a part of life and it's a girly, silly thing. however, if it becomes hurtful, i'll try and cut it out. i try to remember how i feel in rejection situations and treat everyone the way that i would prefer to be treated.

i find myself laughing at a lot of jokes that i don't think are funny, because i like the person that said them, and because i would hope someone would do that for me. sometimes i feel like ~the weird girl~ because i'm kind of nerdy, i don't drink, i'm extra shy all of the time, and small talk isn't really my jam, so feeling rejected is probably a thing that i reflect onto myself. i have a feeling that it has way less to do with others, and more to do with me.

meg made a really awesome point about trying to not care about not being liked. i think that's an integral part to growing up, and i'm starting to really, reallly try to work on that aspect of my own personality. i like who i am (most of the time), so if someone else doesn't, why stress over it? you know. meg says it better than i do, and has a twitter example that i totally relate to only not via twitter, you know?

i think this is the most that i've written on a subject thus far, which is nice. i have been meaning to make these a little more serious and intense. i could probably continue on about rejection, but instead i'm going to go to the grocery store. ;)

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