radvent, day 2

day 2: self-worth

i think my struggles with self-worth are pretty ordinary. sometimes i don't think very highly of myself, other times i think too highly of myself, and most of the time i just try not to think about myself at all. i consider myself incredibly lucky in that no one in my family has ever tried to make me feel worse about myself - there have never been food or weight issues and no one pressures me to dress or look a certain way (although they don't understand the way i dress half of the time). so, in terms of my appearance, i've always been fairly confident. the time that i put into my appearance is for me, and i've always felt that way. i think there is a misconception that women are constantly dressing for men, and i've never, ever looked at it like that. "the media" has never affected the way that i carry myself.

my self-worth also gives me a point from where i treat others. i'm generally in the assumption that every person is awesome until they prove otherwise. i'm really shy, so it may not seem like i really feel this way - but i do like everyone from the get-go. when i was in college, i tried this thing where i marked on my hand if i had a rude thought about someone. after about a week of doing that, i tried to think nice things and then tell people what i was thinking. i know that one off-handed compliment, even from a stranger, makes my day, so i was trying to make everyone else's days, too. the way that i felt about myself during the week that i was keeping track of how rude i am versus the way that i felt about myself during the week that i was actively complimenting everyone was insane. i was a totally different person. i think about those weeks often, and try to emulate the latter, rather than the former. this makes me feel better about myself, therefore strengthening my self-worth.

more than anything, in terms of self-worth, i struggle with my personality and my opinions. when i feel strongly about something, i feel STRONGLY about something, and i take it incredibly personally when someone disagrees and i can't change their minds. i also get incredibly frustrated when my opinion is refused to be heard. this goes back to day 1, where i need to get better about understanding when my opinion doesn't have to be heard. ;)

<3