Tuesday, June 5, 2012

worrywart


i'm a worrier. i over think everything. i take things to heart, in a pretty serious way. the smallest little day-to-day events can become bigger and bigger in my head, until i go crazy over them. the worst part is, i usually know that i'm doing this to myself! so basically there's a running monologue in my head of: "omg i can't believe she said that, do i confront her, why am i still thinking about this i don't like her anyway, but i can't believe she said that! does anyone think before they speak anymore? i can't even look her in the eye, but really why am i still thinking about this.." and etcetera. i wish that was an exaggeration, only.. it's real. that's not even me referring to a specific situation, it's just a thing that happens in my head.. all of the time.

it's pretty hard for me to come back from the ridiculous spiral, because i take everything pretty much to heart (including an unexpected bill, a broken down jeep, or a comment from someone that hurts more than they know). sometimes it takes austin bringing me down to earth, sometimes it takes ice cream or shopping, but sometimes i just need to get. over. it. everything doesn't happen to attack me personally, as much as i'd like to talk myself into believing it.

i hit kind of a wall recently, where i cancelled plans with friends (times two!) because i was so stressed out over things that probably won't mean anything in a month or two. i can't lie, lying in bed watching trashy tv on netflix has been nice, but it was unnecessary. i need to stop focusing on the negative so much. it's going to be hard, i'm pretty sure that i've done this my entire life, but it has to happen. money isn't everything, and neither is pleasing everyone in the world.

i'm going to listen to the white stripes on shuffle and read some short stories.. you know, stuff that cheers me up. just wanna kick the anxiety out of my system. <3

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